<![CDATA[Moni Ritchie Hadley - Parents\' Planet]]>

<![CDATA[Moni Ritchie Hadley - Parents\' Planet]]>Mon, 18 May 2026 15:30:25 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[Nikki Malloy: What's rockin' this mom's world?]]>Thu, 23 Apr 2026 14:33:36 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/nikki-malloy-whats-rockin-this-new-moms-world

Hi Nikki. Thanks for answering a few questions for the Parent Planet Blog. As someone who doesn't have many toddlers around anymore, but writes for children, I'm so curious about what kid related books, ideas, and moments fill a new mom's home these days.

Your son, Kyper, is seventeen months now. Currently, what is your favorite book to read with him?
We are loving "Goodnight Moon!" Kyper grabs it every night and likes to turn the pages himself. We also add our own twist at the end, “Goodnight Moon and goodnight you.” Another one he seems to like is “The Wonky Donkey.” I love that it teaches to appreciate people (and animals) for who they are, differences and all! It’s so important to me that my son grows up to love and be kind to all people. That is a lovely twist on a classic!

What are your favorite nondigital games to play with your kids?
We are loving learning about putting shapes in their correct spots in their box and peek-a-boo! We also play with a lot of cars! He hasn’t quite gotten the hang of playing games yet, but he’s been really good at playing with his cars and trucks by himself.

What are your favorite Instagram accounts related to parenting?
@toddlerdietitiantiff for new ideas on what we can give Kyper to mix up meals. I find myself constantly getting stuck in a rhythm of giving Kyper the same foods, so I love to branch out and find new yet easy snacks or meals to try!

Favorite kid-related product?
What a hard question! We’ve had many favorites through the different phases, but our current favorite would probably be his “My First Farm Book” that has lots of learning tools and soft toys and puppets. We also recently got a foldable toddler tower for our kitchen, and we’ve loved learning how to climb up and down and make lunch together! I love this idea. What a great way to empower kids!

Favorite family trip taken in the last year?
We got to go back home to California for Thanksgiving and show Kyper where I grew up. It was so fun to see him enjoy the park across the street from my family home. I’m such a sentimental person, so getting to experience things in a new way and through his eyes is such a treat!

What is your greatest reward and/or struggle about being a new parent?
I absolutely love when he laughs with me. That giggle is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard! The biggest struggle, in my opinion, is that he can’t quite tell us what he wants yet, so when we’re trying to figure it out, he can get a little frustrated. Luckily, we’re starting to point to things now! Giggles are the best, especially the deep belly laughs!

What is one thing that people misjudge most about being a new parent?
I would say exhaustion and over-preparing. When building out our baby registry there were so many recommended products that you “need” for a baby and being on the other side of that now I realized we never even used half of it! It’s been fun to get gifts for other friends having kids now knowing what an actual must-have is.

What is the one thing that caught you by surprise about being a new parent?
I was personally surprised by how emotional I was over anything and everything! I was overly protective of all things Kyper. I am a people-pleaser to my core, but becoming a mom has helped me set better boundaries with people and speak up on behalf of Kyper and kids in general.

I wish there was a children’s book about...
Parents who go on tours/ travel a lot for work! That’s more niche for our family but know it could be of great use for so many others!

Is there anything else you’d like to share?
Just that I’m so thankful for the books you’ve personally shared with us! I love that they’re different than any of the normal kid books you usually see given to kids and that makes them so special!

Thank you, Nikki, for sharing your thoughts and insights. It's great to hear what is new, and know that some special moments are eternal.

If you are a parent and would like to share any special moments or favorites for toddlers, please comment below.

]]><![CDATA[Simply Play Today]]>Mon, 01 May 2017 07:00:00 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/simply-play-today

Sometimes, it's one of "those" days. Sometimes it's time for a "new" game.

Marlene Lindner, creator of Simply Play Activity Cards, has the solution you need. Each activity card in this deck contains an inspiring quote and an inventive, imaginative activity to do with your toddler.

How did this idea come about?
I love tarot decks. I use them for daily meditations or during challenging times. The idea was to have a deck of cards that have an inspirational quote for parents to read if they are having a challenging time with their kids. And, if you have a couple minutes to sit and focus on your child in that moment, you can dive into an activity. Just shift the mood to play and seek joy in the moment. One card focuses on taking deep breaths together. And, others include making a baby burrito and marching in a parade.

Who can use these cards?
The cards are for any parent or caregiver who is looking for some imaginative play with their child, 2-6 years old. Each card has an inspirational quote followed by an activity. Most activities require no props and explore imagination. They can be done indoors or outside.

Do you have any tips for moms that would like their kids to tap into their creative side?
Let them claim to be bored, very bored. Then, let them find their own way out of the boredom. That's how they often get to the good stuff!

Where can a parent get a deck of cards?
They are available in some boutique shops and on my website. They make great gifts!

To order your own deck of activity cards or learn more about Marlene Lindner click here.

]]><![CDATA[Embracing "Other" as Ourselves]]>Wed, 22 Feb 2017 05:18:28 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/embracing-other-as-ourselves

I was much further out than you thought, oil on canvas, 42 x 53” Kate Vrijmoet

By Kate Vrijmoet

When my son was in high school, a friend of mine dropped off the map. I used to see her all the time at school during pick up, at games, and school events. I didn’t see her kid around much anymore either. At first I felt snubbed, when I did see her she was distant. Then one day, a couple of years later, I ran into her and cornered her in a friendly conversation - she burst into tears and told me her son was having some difficulties but didn’t go any further than that.

She didn’t need to. I knew what was going on - not because of gossip, but because I had been through it too. What was making her so fragile was that unspeakable thing—the thing that no one EVER talks about? And really, come on, who WANTS to talk about it? I believe 90% of you reading this will make a mental note, “not my problem” and click on next link that’s vying for your attention.

According to the CDC,1 Suicide is the second leading cause of death for youth (accidents are the first). So, maybe its time to talk about it, even if it’s uncomfortable to do so.

Not my problem. That’s what we all think, especially when our kids are little. In fact, Soooo “not my problem” that it’s not on our radar at all. We’re worried about skinned knees, homework assignments, screen time, play dates, sleep, hygiene, or maybe just hygiene when they’re teens.

So, here’s what I want to say to my friend: I see you. I see your pain and I know it. I know it because I have been in your shoes. You are not alone. I couldn’t talk about my son, now all grown up, without the floodgates opening for at least a decade.

You never dream about your kid growing up and developing mental illness. You don’t plan for it. Most of us never even consider the possibility.

The Risk
When a daughter tries suicide
and the chimney falls down like a drunk
and the dog chews her tail off
and the kitchen blows up its shiny kettle
and the vacuum cleaner swallows its bag
and the toilet washes itself in tears
and the bathroom scales weigh in the ghost
of the grandmother and the windows,
those sky pieces, ride out like boats
and the grass rolls down the driveway
and the mother lies down on her marriage bed
and eats up her heart like two eggs.
Written by Anne Sexton (1928-1974)

And the vacuum cleaner swallows its bag, oil on canvas, 72 x 84” Kate Vrijmoet

A question I often ask is: How can we parents help build community with each other to support our children through their adolescent years? Why is this important? It’s important so we can have the grace to walk into the awkward space of telling an uncomfortable truth for the greater good of the child, family, and community. If my daughter’s friend is in crisis, calling my children and threatening suicide (yes, this has happened), and I don’t teach my children to speak up and I don’t speak up myself, I’m not only harming that other child and their family, I’m harming my own children and our family. The idea that it’s “none of my business” is absurd to me. Of course it is my business. Everything about the life of my child is my business, even if I give them the illusion of privacy.

Today my teenage girls have many friends who have anxiety, depression, anorexia, bi-polar and more. They talk opening about these issues. This generation is also robustly exploring gender identity, pronoun use, and non-binary gender.2

A couple of years ago, my girls’ friend Molina decided to become Mel. Then they changed their pronouns to non-binary pronouns, they/them. My girls supported their friend and celebrated their differences, as did their entire friend cohort. Then Mel’s behavior became erratic. Mel would call my youngest daughter and spend hours on the phone, after which my daughter would come to me crying. She was scared Mel was going to hurt themselves. I called Mel’s mom, who needed no prompting to confide that Mel was having mental health issues. Mel was holding the family hostage with frequent threats of suicide. Their mom told me that she and her husband’s marriage was also in crisis, yet they were working together to find help for Mel.

We came up with a “friend plan” for interactions between our kids. The plan was for me to explain to my teens that Mel was struggling, we knew they loved them and were concerned for them. We reassured my children that Mel’s parents were aware of what was going on and were actively seeking help for Mel with therapeutic solutions currently in place. My husband and I worked with our daughters to talk them through how to handle themselves during these phone calls. Together we decided the following:

Be compassionate, withhold judgment.
If your friend talks about suicide, ask your friend if they’ve come up with a plan. People contemplating suicide are less likely to take their own lives if they are talking about it. When depression and anxiety becomes a concrete suicide plan, tell an adult right away. On average, it’s one hour between plan and action for teenagers because they have less impulse control.
Tell an adult.
If your friend is putting themselves in harms way, tell us. Screen capture the conversation and tell an adult.
If Mel is triangulating drama in your friend group, you don’t have to respond. Don’t get sucked into the fray. Tell Mel, “I’m so sorry you’re having a rough day.” Then say, “My mom’s calling me, gtg!” and stop responding to the drama, no matter how tempting it is.
We agree not to betray your trust. If you tell us your concerns about Mel, we will come up with a plan with Mel’s parents so that you’re not portrayed as the bad guy for telling us, if that’s what you want.
If Mel confronts you about telling us, stand your ground. Your responsibility is to safety, not secrecy. You are Mel’s friend, but you are also still children and do not have the experience or training to counsel Mel, nor is that your job. Recognize and accept your own limitations here. You cannot fix this for Mel.
Having clear boundaries will provide you a roadmap for interactions and friendship and be better for all parties involved.

In the meantime, we developed a relationship with Mel’s parents. The adults all agreed to continue to tell the uncomfortable truth.

Feeling safer in her community, Mel’s mom reached out to all the parents in Mel’s friend group, to tell them about Mel’s mental health crisis and what she and her husband were doing to help Mel. She invited a group conversation about it. I thought that was a great step forward in resisting shame and stigma and enlisting her community for the greater good of all the kids. What she hadn’t realized was that among that set of parents were two families who had worked behind her back to undermine her. They had reacted to Mel’s tales of abuse by developing a plan together to help Mel run away from home, and to hide them.

What?!?!

Yes, the parents were colluding to help Mel run away from home. Even though they probably thought they were doing the right thing and were trying to help. This was not the way to help Mel, her family, or their own children.

And its charms have a punch. And its hunches have arms. Oil on canvas, 44 x 108” Kate Vrijmoet

It’s taken two years, but Mel’s mom contacted me recently to tell me that they finally had a diagnosis. It’s normal for it to take a long time to diagnose adolescents, especially when they’re in crisis. The crisis behavior can mask the underlying problem. And because they’re still developing, it can be difficult to pinpoint the issue and to get the treatment right. Things are much better for Mel’s family and for Mel and slowly they’re making progress.

Like physical illness, mental illness responds well to early intervention. Learn to recognize the signs of depression, stress, and anxiety. Does your kid have connection in his/her life? Are they sleeping enough? Are they eating right? How’s their hygiene? Do they get regular cardio vascular exercise? Do they have good social media and electronic device boundaries?

Some kids are just wired with a predisposition to mental health issues. Maybe you have family members prone to this…that’s an indicator that your child may be susceptible too. Maybe you have a child that is exceptionally or profoundly gifted, that population has much higher rates of depression and anxiety.3, 4, 5 Maybe they’re addicted to social media. Dr. Cuddy’s (power pose) new research delves into the chemical changes in our bodies when we’re hunched over hand-held devices and it’s alarming. Cortisol rises, that’s the stress hormone. No wonder our kids have ever increasing rates of anxiety.6, 7

After my son’s suicide attempt, it took me a while to find him the help he needed. The reason it took so long is because mental illness stigma is so great. There were no resources the school would offer us. It was as if no other kid had ever been through what our son was experiencing. We didn’t know any other families to talk to. People just don’t advertise when their kid is in crisis, both because of stigma and because you’re too busy trying to keep them alive long enough to usher them out of crisis. And many mental health professionals at the time had an antiquated idea that if a kid is in crisis, then the mother is at fault. That concept is a holdover from the early versions of the DSM 8 which blamed most mental health issues on mothers. It’s an idea that’s slowly working its way out of the mental health care system.

Stigma, it’s a strange, self-perpetuating thing in our society. Stigma is a way of othering people. Stigma says: don’t think about this, don’t talk about this, this is shameful, unacceptable, embarrassing. Stay silent. No one needs to know. The effect of course, only deepens the shame, extends the impact, and makes resource discovery extremely difficult.

Now that I’m talking about mental illness after a decade of silent suffering, I can’t seem to shut up. In 2013 I started an exhibit with two other artists who also have children with mental illness. Our idea is simple, to end stigma, end silence. Our exhibit is called: The Incredible Intensity of Just Being Human.9

My own son is thirty now. He has more good days than bad days. In the years since graduating from his therapeutic boarding school, he has made three more attempts on his life. The good news is that in another five years he will be past the statistic for men and suicide and his chances of survival take a giant leap forward. That means I might be able to stop waiting for that dreaded phone call every time my phone rings. What more, the last time he felt he was in danger, he took himself to get help, and has continued with the plan he and his doctor have devised for him to great success. I’m so proud of him.

References:

CDC Suicide Statistics, 2015, https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/suicide-datasheet-a.pdf
Beyond the ‘he’ and ‘she’, the rise of non-binary pronouns, By Avinash Chak BBC News. 7 December 2015, http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34901704
The impact of giftedness on psychological well-being, SENGifted, September 13, 2011, http://sengifted.org/the-impact-of-giftedness-on-psychological-well-being/
Gifted kids at risk, who’s listening? SENGifted, Patricia A Schuler, September 14, 2011 http://sengifted.org/gifted-kids-at-risk-whos-listening/
A psychodynamic psychotherapy approach to the emotional problems of exceptionall and profoundly gifted adolescents and adults: a psychiatrist’s experience. SENGifted, September 14, 2011. http://sengifted.org/a-psychodynamic-psychotherapy-approach-to-the-emotional-problems-of-exceptionally-and-profoundly-gifted-adolescents-and-adults-a-psychiatrists-experience-2/
iPosture: The Size of Electronic Consumer Devices Affects our Behavior, Harvard Business School Working Paper, Faculty & Research, Maarten W. Bos and Amy JC Cuddy, No. 13-097, May 2013 http://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=44857
Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are, TED, https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are
DSM, https://psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm
The Incredible Intensity of Just Being Human www.theincredibleintensity.com

Other Resources:
NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness offers resources for parents and patients alike. There are chapters all over the
country, in every major city. http://www.nami.org/
Teen Line: A Los Angeles teen crisis hotline founded by Dr. Elaine Leader. https://teenlineonline.org/
Profiles of Hope (LA) http://profilesofhopela.com/resources/
LA COE Prevent Suicide http://preventsuicide.lacoe.edu/
Teen Feed http://www.teenfeed.org/
Friends of Youth (PNW) http://www.friendsofyouth.org/
Youthcare (Seattle) http://www.youthcare.org/
PSKS (Seattle) http://www.psks.org/

Seattle painter, curator and social artist Kate Vrijmoet lives and works in Seattle, WA. She received her MFA from Syracuse University. Her paintings and installations focus on the human body and the human condition, and on issues of consciousness, privilege, scale and access. Working both in paint and social sculpture, she uses the tools of classical painting to create high-impact experiences for her audience—experiences that have a lot in common with theatre. She is known best for both my water and my accident paintings.

The social sculpture she creates is a real-time exchange between people in order to heighten consciousness with themselves and others. “My role is to facilitate deep connections among us through art. Through my work I am engaged in a highly energetic conversation with my audience and reflect that in the way I capture my subjects, by deconstructing the figure, and finding rhythm in form.”

Vrijmoet was one of 16 American artists participating in the 2012 5th Beijing International Biennial. Vrijmoet has exhibited in shows juried by curators of the MOMA (Paulina Pobocha), the Met (Anne Strauss), the Guggenheim (Nat Trotman), and the Brooklyn Museum of Art (Charlotta Kotik). She received 3rd Prize in 2010 Ecuador Biennial. Her work has been published in the 2014 book Ufora, New American Paintings, The Seattle Times, Catapult Magazine. She is published in numerous catalogs including her CoCA Seattle solo exhibit catalog: Kate Vrijmoet: Essential Gestures, Uforafest, The Richard Siken Project, CoCA Annual 2014, and more. She has received numerous Grants. Vrijmoet is the curator of The Incredible Intensity of Just Being Human, an art & social change exhibit examining the stigma and silence surrounding mental illness. www.katevrijmoet.com

]]><![CDATA[A Working Mom, Making It Work!]]>Mon, 16 Jan 2017 03:47:38 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/a-working-mom-making-it-work

Missy Gibson
Business owner,
Musician,
Mom, 24/7

For many mothers, there comes that time when faced with the decision to go back to work. When you became a mother, you were very active playing music in three different bands. How did you decide to open a used kids’ clothing store?

I was a touring musician up until I had my son at 38. And although I continued playing in bands, I wanted to provide some stability for my son. I had bartended, waited tables, and worked in part time sales, but I had no luck finding jobs in those areas. Years ago, I opened a vintage clothing store during a summer in Northern Michigan. I also had many booths, flea markets, and the like through the years. And, I have always loved thrift shopping! So making the decision to open “Grow Kid Grow” felt very natural for me and I felt our neighborhood really needed this kind of store. In the past, I had worked part time for a print & design company in downtown Los Angeles, and had worked with two great guys there. They became my partners and together we opened the store.

How did you manage starting a business, playing music, and being a mom?
When the store finally opened, my son was three. That was a tough year. I worked a lot of hours. But, at that time, my partners helped in the store. So, when I could not be in the store or if I had to pick up my son from preschool, they would run it. Before we opened, there was so much to do! So, often I would work all day, go home to see my family for dinner, then return to the store to work until all hours. Sometimes, I didn’t even make it home. We used to joke about the cot I was going to set up in the back. I was pretty darn exhausted! But I'm lucky to have my husband, a great dad, and huge support, too.

My husband and I married in 2009, the same year I opened the store. I remember people asking me how I did that and I would say “you know, it just kind of came together.” Then one day, my husband stopped me and said “Please stop saying that. I don’t think you realize it, but while you were opening your store, I nearly planned our entire wedding. It didn’t just come together.” I felt really bad when I realized that I was so caught up in “Grow Kid Grow,” I hadn’t noticed his efforts.

I have three bands, Breech, Nellie Bly and my Irish band, Paddy's Pig. Paddy's PIg was playing about 3-4 shows a month. I completely need and require my musical outlets, to this day! Fortunately, my next door neighbors, whom we are very close to, became babysitters to my son. He was not the kind of kid who wanted to hang out at rehearsals or shows and see his mom on stage! After about a year, I was able to hire a store manager and part time employees, some of who were my babysitters. This was a huge step! Indeed, it takes a village!

You adopted a second child in 2013. How do you maintain a healthy balance of work and home life with two children?
I don't think you ever really find balance. Some weeks you give more of your time to family, and some weeks it's to the business or other parts of your life. You have to be flexible. It helps to separate work life and home life. When I first adopted my baby girl, at two days old, I was grateful to be able to take a two month maternity leave. But that was only because I had an incredible store manager in Dani and two great employees to boot. During this period, I would pick up bags of laundry and huge bins of clothes to price. I would sit in my living room with my new born and a bottle, surrounded by bins of clothes and a pricing gun, price away, then drop the bins off the next day. But, one habit I developed from the beginning was to book all appointments, by phone, from the store. Although I check my email everyday, the wall calendar is in the store, so all correspondence and bookings happens there and I don’t have to take it home with me.

Any tips for new moms that are considering going back to work?
I am passionate about my store, and this is what worked for me. Find what suits your life. For me, the flexibility is invaluable and I LOVE my customers & serving the community. If you are intending on starting your own business, try to create boundaries, hire some great people to help you, and just be prepared to work your butt off the first year. Once you get through that first year, you can find your pace and your people and come up for air. But again, be prepared for that first year! It’s a tough one!

Missy would also like you to know that her store carries teen and adult clothes and shoes too!

To learn more about Missy and Grow Kid Grow, click here.
To follow Grow Kid Grow on Facebook, click here.

GROW KID GROW
4310 W. Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90029

]]><![CDATA[Vegetarian Dad / Omnivore Kid]]>Tue, 01 Nov 2016 07:00:00 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/vegetarian-dad-omnivore-kidAnimal Activist and Vegetarian, Larry Mann, on raising an Omnivore teen.

What are your reasons for becoming a vegetarian?
As a child I was taken on a tour at Pierce College to observe their animal husbandry class. The students had to slaughter pigs that they had raised. I was mortified and stopped eating pork from that day on. Years later, in 1982, I came to realize that cows, chicken, and fish were no different and removed all animals from my diet.

You are a parent of a teenager. How do you make the decision whether a child should follow?
My ex-wife, at the time was a vegetarian like me and we raised our daughter to eat only chicken and turkey. When she was 5 years old, I told her she could eat whatever she wished. My friend who was babysitting her called and said that Madeleine wanted a burger. Not one to put my morals on someone else, I said it was fine. She has been eating meat ever since. If she decides to share my beliefs and diet, that will be her decision.

What difficulties does being a vegetarian, but raising a meat eater present?
At first I wasn’t happy cooking meat, but I knew it was necessary. She doesn’t eat a lot of meat, so it is not an everyday ordeal. I purchased a separate cutting board used strictly for meat, fowl and fish.

When preparing meals that involve animal products, I make sure to not cross contaminate utensils, pans, plates, etc. My daughter, who helps out, is also conscientious of this. Sometimes she wants to make hot dogs and peas for us. She will cut the package open for my veggie hot dogs first and place them in a separate pan, before opening her regular version.

Take us through a day of breakfast, lunch and dinner with you and your daughter?
We don’t have a regular schedule for meals. I have a smoothie every morning. Some days she will make her own breakfast, others she will have cereal or oatmeal. Most lunches are at school. Dinners vary. I think we are both burned out on spaghetti, the go to dish that doesn’t involve animal products. Some nights we will make pizza using Trader Joe’s pizza dough. I always have a vegetable along with dinner such as salads, broccoli, brussel sprouts, asparagus, or whatever she is in the mood for.

On nights, when we do go out to eat, she usually orders something with either cheese or bacon…the exact opposite of her father.

If she were to decide to become a vegetarian, what is the best way to ensure she is getting enough protein in her diet?
Because we still eat a lot of vegetarian items, people question if she gets enough protein. Being a vegetarian for so long, I have studied nutrition in detail and try to keep up on new food items to eat. Most people don’t realize how much protein is in a healthy diet. Excluding animal products, eggs, and dairy, you can still get more than enough protein from broccoli, spinach, legumes, nuts and many other items. Check out:
http://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/19-high-protein-vegetables

What are some of the best meat alternatives you have found?
Roasts fields roast sausage in casing
http://fieldroast.com/product/sausage-links/
Gimme Lean Sausage
https://lightlife.com/products/gimme-lean-sausage
Tofurky
http://www.tofurky.com/

What are your favorite vegetarian restaurants in Los Angeles?
My Vegan Gold
http://www.myvegangold.com/
Sage Vegan Bistro
http://www.sageveganbistro.com/

See below for more about Larry Mann.

]]><![CDATA[On Adoption]]>Sat, 01 Oct 2016 07:00:00 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/on-adoptionScreenwriter, Steve Shibuya talks openly about open adoption.

As you began contemplating the notion, what were your expectations about the adoption process?
My wife and I knew friends who had adopted from China, Russia, domestic. The only expectations we had was that the process would take a couple years. I was happy about the time because the idea of having a child was a new one for us. When we first got married, the thought was not to have children, but we grew up a bit, figured a few thinks out about ourselves, and changed our minds. So when we decided to adopt, we made the choice quickly.

How did that compare to your actual experience?
When we signed the papers to adopt, they told us the average time was a couple years. But, one week later they called us and said they found someone. It was as crazy as it sounds. In the end it was probably the best way to do it. Having a child is jumping into new waters, best to just jump in.

What organization did you choose?
We adopted from an agency called Adopt Help, they were awesome! They came recommended from a friend. We made an appointment, went in and felt welcome, we went on the vibe, and they had a good one. They made the process easy.

You chose a child before she was born. How did you refine the selection process?
We didn’t mind if it was a boy or a girl. I’m Japanese and my wife is Austrian. We wanted a child who was mixed, so we chose Pacific Islander and Caucasian. A week after we signed the papers, an eight month pregnant young Hawaiian girl with a Caucasian boyfriend contacted the agency. The timing was right. A couple different Doctors had seen her and said she was having a boy. We quickly painted the room blue. When our baby was born a few weeks later I went to the hospital and the birth father handed me our daughter and said “Sorry it’s a girl. I hope you don’t mind.” We didn’t. Still don’t.

Describe the open adoption experience?
My daughter is almost eleven now, she knows everything about her adoption, we’ve talked openly with her since she was three. We had been in contact with the birth Mother for a couple years over email, and when my daughter was five we met her at the park. The two of them ran around and played for four hours. It was GREAT for my daughter and most likely the same for her birth mother. After meeting her birth mom, things started to settle a bit with questions, doubts, and fears. There was a sense of closure after they finally met, which was really cool. Right now, it’s not an issue, she knows her story and when she gets older and wants to know more she can track them down.

Can you describe the moment you held your girl?
The moment I held my girl was uneventful. Having a child was not something I dreamt about or something I had as a goal in my life. Having a child was a new thought that we became open to. And then, suddenly, she was there! It was a runaway train ride, so the whole process was a bit of a shock. We all needed some time to bond, it was as new to me and my wife as it was to our daughter. But when I look at my girl today, it’s awesome. We’ve been through so much together, highs and lows. She’s my baby through and through.

Any tips for other parents wanting to adopt?
The only tip I have is go for it. Nothing will prepare you for having a child. Everyone’s journey is different. But, if you’re ready for one, and you're open for adoption, then do it.

]]><![CDATA[Kids and Surfing?]]>Thu, 01 Sep 2016 07:00:00 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/kids-and-surfingKids Just Want to have Fun.
~ Ryan Conder

You are a long time surfer and a parent of two boys. You have also taught special needs kids to surf. How did you get involved with teaching special needs kids?
I saw a video from Surfers Healing and after working with kids with special needs in high school and enjoying it so much, I reached out to them.

Can you describe a memorable experience helping a child ride a surf board for the very first time?
It is the experience of a child letting the fear slip away and watching him/her completely loosen up and have fun after having a death grip on my head! Thats always the best feeling...when the child enjoys it and sort of lets go because he/she is confident in the water.

What advice do you have for parents who would like to expose their kids to surfing?
Don't be afraid. It's really pretty safe with an experienced helper.

What is a good age to start?
I would say 3 years with a good person helping them out. But on their own...they will tell you when they are ready. Don't push it. Let them just enjoy the beach. They will let you know when they are ready. I think playing at the beach is the most important part. All this stand up surfing stuff is a little overrated. Just having fun and feeling comfortable in the water is the most important thing.

Can you share some tips about surfing and safety in the water?
Take your child out and just let them go at their own pace in the water. Most kids won't take unnecessary risks but it's nice to be there to help if they do. Get your child a wetsuit so they are warm and comfortable.

Getting a child to enjoy being in the water is the most important part. The more comfortable they are, the more confident and safe they become in the ocean.

I think pushing the surfing thing is a bit of our own ego as surfers. The kids enjoy playing in the ocean or bodysurfing just as much. If they want to surf they will let you know.

]]><![CDATA[Kids and Giftedness ~ Debunking Myths]]>Mon, 01 Aug 2016 07:00:00 GMThttps://www.moniritchie.com/parentsplanet/kids-and-giftedness-debunking-mythsA discussion with mother/artist Kate Vrijmoet.

Photo Credit: Barbara Noonan

How would you describe the difference between a gifted student, a high achiever? and a high ability student?
High achiever and highly-capable are coded language for the same thing. They’re all terms for gifted kids. They may have been developed because the word “gifted” is a culturally loaded word that alienates some people who make the assumption that the word suggests that one child is better than another. Using terms like high-ability, highly-capable and high achiever are ways to diffuse that, so that the kids who need services can get them.

The stereotype of gifted people being more capable in all aspects is false. Often, the higher the I.Q. the greater the needs. This could be due to the prevalence of a secondary condition. These kids are called 2e or “twice exceptional.” That means they have high-ability concurrent with another special need such as dyslexia, dysgraphia, proprioceptive disorder, CAPD, severe food allergies, Asperger’s syndrome, etc.
And, not all kids are gifted the same way. Some are gifted in a specific area such as spatial reasoning, art, movement, historical facts, reading. Also, I.Q. varies. In the gifted range they’re typically broken down into four categories of giftedness: moderately, highly, exceptionally, profoundly.

Moderately and highly gifted students can be mainstreamed in the classroom environment if changes are made that differentiate or accommodate them. They may be highly-successful as adults. As students, they often navigate the school system easily. These are the kids most people think of when we use any of the terms that mean gifted.
Kids in the exceptional category are those with I.Q.s in the 95th percentile and above. These kids have much higher needs. They’re more prone to dual-exceptionalities, social issues, anxiety and depression, and loss of interest.[1] Over the past decade I’ve read articles that claim this population has a higher than average dropout rate and, in the case of girls, a higher than average teenage pregnancy rate. They feel different and have a harder time fitting in. Both because of poor social skills and natural over-excitabilities, they sometimes exhibit behaviors that look like ADHD in the classroom.

Profoundly gifted people are those who have I.Q.s in the 99th percentile and above. They appear rarely in the population (1/10,000 – 1/1,000,000). These kids can have a hard time because they do not fit into the school system the way it’s structured. They often don’t present as one might expect a gifted kid to present; they may not get good grades or appear engaged in the classroom. Many times they are not mainstreamed. Instead, their parents cobble together their education based on their needs and interests through home-schooling, private tutors, MOOCs, self-directed education, and college classes. There are wonderful organizations that help these kids and their families including The Davidson Institute and SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted).

In your experience, how are the students identified in the public school system?
I’ve been a mom for 30 years and we have lived in many states including California, Oregon, Washington, New York, Massachusetts, and Florida. It’s different from state to state and even city to city. What seems to be a large problem in both public and private schools, is understanding how to identify these kids. The reason that’s a problem is because its not a requirement at schools of education that teachers in training to take even one college credit on identifying and teaching to giftedness. It’s often not hard to see if a kid is moderately or highly gifted. The problems and the kids at risk are the ones in the exceptional and profoundly gifted range, who perhaps have a dual exceptionality like dyslexia, which slows them down and masks their high-capabilities. In turn, their high-capabilities help them develop strategies for dealing with their dyslexia and thus obscured that need as well. So they end up very isolated and are neither identified for their abilities nor their disability. In some cases, students have undiagnosed special needs and have developed strategies to hide them, and seem to be underperforming.[2] There are some states that do a better job than others, in my experience. Oregon teachers, in general, have more rigorous requirements for certification and some are better able to differentiate for their students’ needs. Some states legislate both the requirement to identify this population and also fund their education. You can learn which states do this on the Genius Denied website. Here are a couple of books I recommend.

As a mom, you've gone through the process with your own children. What difficulties did you face?
I have two profoundly gifted children who are very different from each other. One is an introvert and the other an extrovert. One has a developmental disability that makes her processing extremely slow. One has 21 life-threatening food allergies, (Researchers haven’t yet pin-pointed why profound giftedness tracks so highly with food allergies). Dr. Nadia Webb’s research has shown that this group is physiologically different in that they have a larger number of neuro-connections. This highly-wired individual is often very sensitive to all sorts of things: clothing tags, foods, sounds, highly developed sense of social justice and more. When they’re engaged they can get very wound up, this is what Dabrowski’s over-excitabilities [3] refers to, and also why they can appear to have ADD or ADHD.

What are the myths about gifted kids?
There are many great sources that answer this question. One that both explains the myth and the truth is found on NAGC’s. Here’s an excerpt:[4]

One “reason that these myths are perpetuated is that they can be true for some of the kids some of the time. The fact that a myth may be true for some gifted kids often makes it more difficult to debunk.”[5]
According to Duke University, some common myths are:

Academically gifted children have a general intellectual power that makes them gifted in all school subjects.
The gifted are those children with high ability in academic areas. Children with high ability in music and art are talented.
Giftedness in any domain depends on having a high IQ.
Giftedness is entirely inborn.
Giftedness is entirely a matter of hard work.
Gifted children are created by pushy parents driving their children to overachieve; when pushed too hard by over-ambitious parents, these children burn out.
Gifted children are better adjusted, more popular, and happier than average children.
All children are gifted, and thus there is no special group of children that needs enriched or accelerated education in our schools.
Gifted children, especially prodigies, go on to become eminent and creative adults.[6]

Should gifted kids attend schools for the gifted, or should they be mainstreamed?
I understand that inclusion classrooms are the educational fad right now because it seems politically correct, but research has shown that cluster grouping is a more effective educational model.[7] In Doctor Karen Rogers’ article Lessons Learned About Educating the Gifted and Talented: A Synthesis of the Research on Educational Practice She indicates several things idiosyncratic learners need: daily challenge in their specific areas of talent; regular opportunities to be unique and to work independently in their areas of passion and talent; various forms of subject-based and grade-based acceleration to as their educational needs require; opportunities to socialize and to learn with like-ability peers; differentiation in pace, amount of review and practice, and organization of content presentation.[8]

What advice would you give other parents with gifted children?
Giftedness is neither a cause for gloating nor embarrassment. It’s merely a special need that your child has. I sometimes I feel unable to adequately meet my kids needs. Some thing I’ve learned

Keep your sense of humor.
Focus on supporting your child’s emotional needs. A safe emotional environment is the foundation for any learning. SENG is a good resource for this.
Many gifted children have issues with perfectionism. From a very young age I kept the focus on encouraging and celebrating failure and providing them with complex challenges that include opportunities for failure such as learning to play a musical instrument, ride a horse, etc.
Learn to pivot and readjust. As your child grows her needs will change. If the process/system/way of doing things you’ve set in place is not working, don’t blame the child. Instead think about the triggers and make adjustments to the schedule to meet your child’s needs.
Help them build multiple peer groups that meet different needs. You may have one group for academic stimulation and one group for social and emotional needs such as a math group and a sports team.
Build a support system for yourself and your family. Connect with some of the gifted organizations for relationship and resources.
Get your child tested.[9]
Learn about you children’s needs and figure out how to meet them. Some of the resources I mentioned above. Additionally, websites like hoagiesgifted.org is a clearinghouse of information as well as publisher Prufrock Press.
Attend local gifted organization’s annual conferences as well as national conferences like the annual SENG conference and webinars.
Learn to advocate
Read. I recommend the SENG article library as well as these books:

Resource Links:
The Davidson Institute: http://www.davidsongifted.org/
SENG: http://sengifted.org/
SENG article library: http://sengifted.org/resources/resource-library/articles-library

Genius Denied: http://www.davidsongifted.org/About-Us/Genius-Denied
State by state education database: http://www.davidsongifted.org/Search-Database/entryType/3
Hoagie’s Gifted: www.hoagiesgifted.org
Prufrock Press: http://www.prufrock.com/
Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth: http://cty.jhu.edu/
Eide Neurolearning Clinic: http://www.eideneurolearning.com/
2e Newsletter: http://www.2enewsletter.com/
Smart Kids with Learning Disabilities: http://www.smartkidswithld.org

[1] Reexamining Gifted Underachievement and Dropout Through the Lens of Student Engagement. Rebecca N. Landis and Amy L. Reschly. Journal for the Education of the Gifted, 36(2) 220 –249. 2013.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/academia.edu.documents/39409224/Landis___Reschly_2013.pdf?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ56TQJRTWSMTNPEA&Expires=1469399230&Signature=AmdY6Lfh8yJMV6PqtfP7JhSG5nk%3D&response-content-disposition=inline%3B%20filename%3DLandis_Reschly_2013.pdf

[2] Critical Issues in the Identification of Gifted Students With Co-Existing Disabilities, The Twice-Exceptional. Barbara Jackson Gilman, Deirdre V. Lovecky, Kathi Kearney, Daniel B. Peters, John D. Wasserman, Linda Kreger Silverman, Michael G. Postma, Nancy M. Robinson, Edward R. Amend, Michelle Ryder-Schoeck, Patricia Hedges Curry, Sally K. Lyon, Karen B. Rogers, Linda E. Collins, Gerry M. Charlebois, Colleen M. Harsin, Sylvia B. Rimm. Published 29 September 2013. http://sgo.sagepub.com/content/3/3/2158244013505855?utm_campaign=G_ALL_F_2013&utm_medium=interest&utm_source=social_Facebook&utm_content=Newsletter_O&utm_term=All_disciplines

[3] Overexcitability and the Gifted. Sharon Lind. The SENG Newsletter. 2001, 1(1) 3-6. http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted

[4] Myths about Gifted Students. NAGC website accessed 7/24/16 https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources/myths-about-gifted-students

[5] Myriad Myths about Giftedness. Duke Talent Identification Program 2015, Digest of Gifted Research, January 7, 2010. https://tip.duke.edu/node/934

[6] Ibid

[7] Lessons Learned About Educating the Gifted and Talented: A Synthesis of the Research on Educational Practice, Karen B. Rogers, University of New South Wales, Gifted Child Quarterly, Volume 51 Number 4, Fall 2007 382-396, (http://gcq.sagepub.com)
http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.455.8897&rep=rep1&type=pdf

[8] Ibid.

[9] Is Your Child Gifted? What to Look for and Why You Should Know.... Psychology Today. David Palmer Ph.D. Posted May 01, 2011. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gifted-kids/201105/is-your-child-gifted-what-look-and-why-you-should-know

***Special thanks to Jane Hesslein, Prufrock Press for peer review.

Learn more about Kate Vrijmoet at www.katevrijmoet.com.

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